Part of my job is to import music into a country radio station. Whoever chose these tracks today obviously really wanted to depress me, because they are all hilariously horrific.
Most are from the 1950s or so and are spoken word, adding the ability to choke mid-lyric. Some are about things you’d expect to happen in life like cheating and betrayal – but a lot of these just make you think “How the fuck were these ever released?”
I thought I’d share some of the highlights with you because… wow… these certainly shouldn’t be buried in history. I really don’t know what was going on around the time they were written, but seriously, you think this generation is desensitised? Think again.
5. A ‘Dear John’ Letter – Jean Shepard & Ferlin Husky (1953)
You just gotta say – what a bitch… Also what I find interesting about this song is the almost jovial singing from Jean Shepherd as she tells her warring boyfriend that she’s now fucking his brother. Christmas dinner would get awkward.
4. Teddy Bear – Red Sovine (1976)
This guy is the king of choking up, it’s hilarious. This story just get worse and worse, mum’s lonely, dad’s dead – crippled boy’s… well… crippled. Well lucky they’re now the hated neighbours on the street with hundreds of trucks blocking traffic. Good work kid.
3. Old Gilbert – Glenn Jones (1997)
It seems it’s the norm in country music for it to get worse and worse, as you can tell from this Australian 90’s track. I don’t know why he just didn’t get another dog – look, I realise you got to know each other pretty well – but just go get another one. Or a girlfriend… Seriously man.
2. Knoxville Girl – The Louvin Brothers (1956)
Aww isn’t that sweet, young love, late night walks together- wait, excuse me, why the fuck are you murdering her? I love how this is question is never addressed throughout the song. It just winds up with him whining about a headache and having to stay in jail ’cause his friends haven’t seen Prison Break. Well at least there’s a lesson there.
1. Drunken Driver – Ferlin Husky (1956)
The seeming ‘fiddle of death’ that starts off this song, kind of gives the impression that the song will never turn out well. Yes that’s right, it’s good ol’Ferlin again taking tragedy to the next level once again. Not only have the kids been abandoned by their father, their mother’s dead and they’re homeless. Don’t worry, dad comes back – to run them down with his car. I think my favourite line has to be “the little boy, in a puddle of blood, in the ditch line, there did lay”. Seriously, WTF?
So there you have it. Could it get any worse? Probably. I’ll keep an ear out and post any more I find.