In radio school, I was always told by lecturers that there was absolutely nothing you can do about vocal popping in a microphone in post production. For years I looked with dismay at those little pieces of distortion creating an annoying and unprofessional sound in my interviews.

I imagine they told us this so we would simply fix our popping habits rather than fixing it in the editing stage, but I decided that it wasn’t good enough. I had a fiddle and found a way to fix them. There are a number of pop filter add ons/presets that either come with editing programs, or cost upwards of $30 each – don’t buy them. There is no need. With even free editing programs like audacity, you can recreate the settings I’ll take you through in this post.

Explanations and how to’s after the jump…

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll briefly explain what a pop is and how to avoid them yourself… if you don’t care and want to get to the audio fixing, scroll down and look for the pictures.

What are vocal pops?

Vocal pops are caused by a strong burst of air causing momentary distortion in a microphone. For non-seasoned microphone users, this can cause a big problem in interviews and doesn’t sound very professional.

Usually the pop is caused by ‘bilabial plosives’; consonants articulated with both lips while stopping the airflow with your throat or tongue. Hence the name ‘pop’, p is the biggest offender. With some people, b can also cause issues.

If you find that you’re often popping, there are a few ways you can train your mouth to settle down on the air front. It can also make you sound less rude in conversation, as harsh p’s often come across as aggressive.

First step is to get yourself a candle, light it and hold the flame in front of your mouth where a microphone would sit. Read a p laden phrase such as:

Poppy promptly popped plenty of pennies in her purse preceding the party.

If the flame goes out, you’re popping. Light it again (don’t burn yourself) and try the p’s again, seeing if you can internalise the sound slightly with each run. Use less air and try not to blow that flame out. Keep practicing this though, because at some stage, you’ll stop thinking about it and have the speaking style come naturally.

If you need to do a read right now and can’t fix it, there is a more direct way of avoiding a pop. Right when you’re coming up to a p, turn your mouth slightly away from the microphone, directing your air stream away from it. This is a pretty difficult thing to achieve, as you don’t want the rest of the word to sound ‘off-mic’ so make sure you get your timing right and only turn your head for the popping sound itself, not the whole word.

If all else fails, do the following…

How to fix a pop in post

WordPress has made it difficult for me to display large pictures. Since this post is relatively detail driven, click and open each of these pictures to see a larger version.

In the image above, you can see a few pops within a nonsense phrase which I’ve created on purpose, listen to it here: Vocal Pops

For the sake of clarity, let’s focus on the first pop for the moment, it’s especially bad:

To fix this, we want to create an EQ filter. Most good editing programs have an equaliser, everything from garage band to audacity and protools. Different equalisers generally do the same thing in different ways. I’m using Adobe Audition and its parametric equalisation, since I’m more of a visual person. These are the settings I use in my preset:

Any brilliant EQ user would look at this thing and think it’s madness. I came to the conclusion of these settings in a time of desperation and blind fiddling, but it works. For non-seasoned EQ users, equalisation works by raising or lowering the volume of certain frequencies in a sound, making that specific pitch more or less prominent.

Basically you’re going to reduce the following frequencies, by the following amplitudes:

47 Hz: reduce by -28.4 dB

243 Hz: reduce by -5.8 dB

10368 Hz: reduce by -4.8 dB

Then, save it and if your editing program allows you to, why not create a keyboard shortcut for it so you don’t have to keep going back into the equaliser?

Now we have our preset and our pop, it’s time to fix the first pop. This is the result after isolating the distortion, then applying the filter several times:

I’ve applied it more than once because the distortion in this pop is especially severe. Keeping a milder filter gives you flexibility when approaching pops that are minor, then you can apply more if you need it.

After applying this filter to all distortion in the phrase, this is what I’m left with:

Look’s much better, huh? Sounds better too, have a listen: Fixed audio

The most important thing to remember when using this filter is that it only works on the distorted part of the recording, which is usually the air hitting the microphone. If you apply this filter to someone’s voice, it will sound terrible. However, apply as liberally as you want to air-caused sounds. Make sure you listen as you go.

If there are any questions, let me know in the comments below. Happy editing!

pastry cooking + stress = swearing and perspective.

I use pastry cooking the same way someone athletically inclined may use a punching bag, suddenly instead of worrying about how much you fucked up the interview for your dream job – you’re yelling at your biscuit crust because it won’t combine. Plus, at the end of it all you potentially have a wondrous sugary plate of stress relief to ingest.

After re-watching the scene of True Blood where Sookie Stackhouse sits sobbing while wolfing down her dead grandmother’s pecan pie – I decided it was an appropriate choice.

She really likes that pie.

I combined a couple of recipes for this one and it turned out wonderfully. The golden layer on the top there is a honeycomb-ish crust encasing the pecans, which sits on top of a creamy caramel layer. In the end, it was pretty easy and if you get all the right ingredients, you should be fine.

Crust

• 2/3 cup pecan halves
• 1 1/2 cups plain flour
• 110g chilled butter, cubed
• Pinch of salt
• 1/4 cup cold water

Filling

Listen to the audio version of this interview with Luke LaLonde

According to the band, the new release Say It from Canadian indie rockers Born Ruffians is “the project they left school to finish — a declaration that they’re smart and ambitious enough to make it on their own.”

They recorded the album over 2 1/2 weeks at the larger scale Metalworks studios in Toronto. Lead singer/guitarist Luke LaLonde said the decision to do this was an obvious one despite the venues’ lack of ‘indie cred’ “The price seemed ok, everybody seemed to be cool there and it seemed like an interesting place to record. It sort of has a stigma attached to it as being a ‘cheesy’ studio – especially in Toronto because a lot of mainstream records are recorded there.”

The stigma didn’t stop the band from choosing to use it and producer Rusty Santos (Animal Collective/TV on the Radio/Panda Bear) decided to push aside the digital recording systems for an old tape machine sitting in the corner: “They literally had to dust it off and fix it because they hadn’t used it in so long” Luke said “We ended up recording the whole thing to 2 inch tape, that was Rusty’s call.”

The record echoes some communication challenges the group have encountered recently. Drummer Steve Hamelin announced a year ago that he would be leaving the band after extensive touring for their previous record ‘Red, Yellow & Blue’. Lalonde revealed that a long, honest talk brought them back together and inspired the theme for Say It. “We kinda sat down, had a beer and talked about everything really honestly – it was the most honest conversation we’d ever had as  band.” he said, “That’s where the title comes from, because through talking about the issues we realised the issues were really nothing. If we’d spoken to each other earlier, they wouldn’t have even been an issue.”

Despite the problems Hamelin had with touring, Luke mentioned their most recent Australian tour was really enjoyable for the group “That was actually meant to be the last tour that Steve did with us. It was just like a vacation.” Luke also said the band didn’t realise they had so many Australian fans “The shows were a huge surprise for us as far as how many people seemed to know our music and cheer for us, singing along. It blew our minds.” Luke revealed the band will probably be returning to Australia in January.

Born Ruffians also achieved a world first with their music video for ‘What To Say’ when they teamed up with director Jared Raab and artist/computer programmer Rob Bairos . The video depicts an animation of the band on an oscilloscope – a device usually used for monitoring in medicine and telecommunications.

Luke said it was the first time the device had been used to show such intricate images “The oscilloscope can only do one line images, so it’s tricky to animate a face. People have been trying to animate on these things for a while, but nobody’s been able to do more than simple shapes like a square or a triange.” Rob Bairos invented new software to translate the movements of the band into an audio signal that the machine can animate into the image.

Say It is available now via Warp Records.

My latest was a rabbit and pistachio terrine that turned out beautifully and (as you can tell by the photos) has been a massive hit. I meant to take pictures of it for you before everyone started eating it, but it seems I was too late. In the photos you can see the last remaining quarter.

I apologise for the grubby plate – I had to quickly snap these photos before the last of it was devoured by ravenous coworkers.

From the front

I took it along to a bbq for a starter and served it with some pickle relish. Though I’ve realised this one tastes a bit better on its own – perhaps even with some bread.

The original recipe comes from here, though I halved it and did some improvising. From the recipe I’ll provide here you’ll get about 20 slices which you can cut in half to serve 20 people for an hors d’oeuvre or leave the slices whole to be served with pickles and crusty bread as an entree for 10.

I know the recipe I’ve provided seems a little long, though it really isn’t very hard. I’ve just provided some extra detail and information for those who aren’t very experienced cooks:

Equipment:

• 1 Litre loaf pan
• 6cm+ deep baking dish
• Aluminum Foil
• Small chopping board (bigger than the loaf pan)
• Some phone books, bricks or heavy cans
• Small-medium sized pot/saucepan
• Large mixing bowl
• A few paper towels

Ingredients:

• 80gm shelled unsalted pistachios (try to get these as fresh as possible. Pistachios seem to turn into hard black horrible things when left too long on a store shelf and you don’t want them in your terrine… nor do you want to waste time inspecting every individual pistachio you’re putting in)

• 300gm thinly sliced rindless streaky bacon (I used speck which was annoying to line the pan with because it was slightly less malleable, but it worked in the end)

• 100gm  pork mince

• 100gm veal mince (you can often get pork and veal mince already prepared together, this worked fine for me)

• 50gm pork fat (your butcher will probably give this to you for free or really cheaply – though you usually have to ask for it specially)

• 800gm boned rabbit (do a google search and find out who sells rabbit around your area. I was lucky to live nearby to a butcher that displayed rabbit, though your butcher can always order it if they don’t usually sell it. Call ahead and also ask if they can bone it for you. Boning’s a bitch)

• 1 tbsp olive oil

• 2 cloves of garlic (I really like garlic – if you don’t, use 1 clove)

• 1 white onion

• 1/2 bunch of thyme, leaves picked

• 4-5 ice cubes

• Salt and white pepper to taste

Firstly, get your onion and garlic and chop them as finely as you can. If the pieces are too big, they can break up the terrine once finished and sliced. If you’re worried about this – use about a third less of the onions and garlic. Heat the olive oil in the saucepan over a medium-high heat then add the onion and garlic – stirring to coat with the oil.

While that’s cooking for 5 minutes (or until the onion becomes translucent) you can prepare the pistachios. Put them into a heat friendly jug/bowl and pour boiling water over them. While they’re sitting in there for 1-2 minutes – put some ice and cold water into another bowl/jug. Drain the pistachios and put them into the cold water. I left mine in the water until soon before adding them to the terrine, though other blanching instructions will tell you to dry them in the oven. I didn’t do this because I wanted them to become soft for slicing after the cooking process – though if a more seasoned cook finds this illogical, do whatever you think is best.

Once your onions look done, take them off the heat and stir in the thyme. Transfer them to another container and leave them on the benchtop to cool.

Preheat your oven to 150 C (300F) and get ready for the fun part. Take your strips of bacon and line the loaf pan, so that there is a slight overlap and no holes. There should be about 6-7 cm of overhang at the top, leave that sitting over the sides for the moment. This is the point where you set it aesthetically – as this will be the outer layer of your terrine – so be as neat as you want it to turn out. If your bacon is too short (like mine was) feel free to add a few extra strips over any holes on the bottom. If you’re having trouble making the bacon stay where you want it to, add a very small amount of butter to the pan to make it stick (as you have probably ascertained… this is not a health conscious dish)

At this point, drain your pistachios and leave them in the strainer while you prepare the other ingredients. Chop up the pork fat into 1cm-ish pieces. Coarsely chop the rabbit into slightly larger pieces – the size is dependent on how visible you would like it to be – I went for 3-4cm pieces. Add the fat, rabbit, veal/pork mince, onion/garlic mixture and pistachios to the mixing bowl. Add as much salt and pepper as you want, mine worked out to be about 3-4 teaspoons of each – though I think more would have been better.

Use your hands to mix as the ingredients together. Once thoroughly mixed, add it to the loaf pan. Don’t overfill the pan though. Cover the top of the mixture with the overhang of bacon – again, feel free to add some extra strips to cover any holes. Cover the pan with aluminum foil.

Line the bottom of the baking tray with some paper towels and place the loaf pan on top. Boil some water and pour it into the baking tray until it comes about half-way up the loaf pan.

Put into the oven for 1 hour 45 minutes. Once cooked, remove it from the oven and place on the bench for one hour to bring it to room temperature. Then, with the foil still on top, place it in the fridge on some paper towels and put a chopping board on top. Put whatever weights you’ve chosen to use on the chopping board and leave overnight. I left mine in there for 2 days – I don’t think it made a difference, it was just a timing thing. I didn’t put any paper towels underneath though and when I took it out, I found a puddle of fat had overflowed and cooled on the shelf. Not good. This is why I suggest paper towels.

To remove it, you have 2 options: you can run a knife around the outside and shake slightly over a plate, or place in warm water for 3 minutes before upturning onto a plate. I went with the knife option as I was concerned about destroying the integrity of the lovely jelly that had formed around the terrine.

Now it’s done! Slice it with a sharp knife to serve. Enjoy!

You can't really see it - but there's a great tasting jelly around the back of the terrine.

I’ll post my raw arguments here as well as the quotes from well known R18+ opponent – SA Attorney General Michael Atkinson. Post your suggestions and thoughts in the Reddit submission, or below if you’re not a redditor.

It’s all after the jump:

Although some members are advocates of this classification, I believe other Attorneys-General, like me, reject it. Other Attorneys-General who are opposed to introducing an R18+ classification for computer games are content to let me be the lightening (sic) rod for the gamers.

Who are against it? Why haven’t we heard from them as well? It seems to me very odd that other Attorneys-General would oppose a topic silently and push someone else to fight the fight for them.

The other attorneys-general are also serving their own constituents and are elected officials – if it’s the case that they object to the classification, it’s their duty to make their opposition known. While it is fine for Mr Atkinson to be the ‘lightening rod’ or representative of those opposing it – there must be some transparency.

I am well aware that many game players are adults… However, it is important you do not confuse the classification rating of a game with the game’s sophistication, or the challenge or interest to the player… It does not follow that a game is more interesting to an adult simply because it contains extreme violence, explicit sexual material or highly offensive language.

Indeed, with all the effort and money that goes into game development, coupled with the effects and graphics now available, there is no need to introduce these extreme elements. I am bafffled and worried about why proponents of R18+ games are putting up their hands and saying ‘Give us more cruel sex and extreme violence!’

This is Mr Atkinson’s very personal opinion. Whilst he may not find a game with violent elements entertaining – very many people do. If they didn’t; television programs like Dexter, The CSI series, The Wire and Films like Kill Bill, Rambo, Saving Private Ryan, Natural Born Killer; would not be so successful. Violence is a part of life. It’s a very important part of our history, our society and our daily lives.

No gamer is claiming they are condoning violence, though gaming gives people a chance to experience and understand things like violence in an immersed setting that harms no one. As can be seen by films and television programs, it is also an extremely important element in a narrative.

As for sex, while many conservatives may view sex as something that should be kept in the bedroom – it is an important part of many adults’ daily lives. To provide sexual themes in a video game – whether they be an occasional scene, or the entire premise of the game – is no more reprehensible than what you can witness in a television program or film. The ‘cruel sex’ Mr Atkinson refers to, assumingly the major element of Japanese ‘rape games’, would be covered under the existing classification guidelines already existing in Australia. In other words, they wouldn’t make it onto the shelves.

With an R18+ rating sexually explicit and violent video games would be kept from children the same way R18+ films are. A child cannot buy R18+ content and responsible parents do not buy it for them – as the R18+ rating is recognisable and easy to comprehend for parents. As it stands, children are exposed to much more violence and implied sex because the rating does not exist.

The demand for sex and/or violence in video games may be baffling to Michael Atkinson, however this by no means proves that it is inexplicable. Sex and violence are a very major part of the global historical narrative and to omit these themes for no other reason than Mr Atkinson’s bafflement would be to take away the stark reality many games strive to present and many gamers strive to experience.

‘Interactive Australia 2007′, a report prepared by Bond University for the Interactive Entertainment Association of Australia, surveyed 1,606 Australian households randomly. The report found “79% of Australian households have a device for computer and video games”. Further, 62% of Australians in these gaming households “say the classification of a game has no influence on their buying decision”.

Given this data, I cannot fathom what State-enforced safeguards could exist to prevent R18+ games being bought by households with children and how children can be stopped from using these games once the games are in the home. If adult gamers are so keen to have R18+ games, I expect children would be just as keen.

Classification of electronic games is very different from the classification of film. In cinemas, the age of movie-goers can be regulated… Rising game and console sales make it clear that this is a growing area that needs careful regulation, even more so than cinemas and private D.V.D. hire and purchase. Access to electronic games, once in the home, cannot be policed and therefore the games are easily accesible to children.

Firstly it is very odd that Mr Atkinson references the statistics from the Interactive Australia/Bond University study, for two reasons:

1. In a recent interview with Radio National he immediately dismissed the statistics quoted from the study – claiming they were biased in their compiling of the survey. It also states that 91% of the respondents are in support of the R18+ rating
2. The fact that 62% of gamers say that “the classification of a game has no influence on their buying decision” shows further that without an R18+ rating, most consumers are not informed as to the appropriateness of a game for children or adolescents.

Currently, a parent or guardian will see the maximum ‘MA15+’ rating and consider it appropriate for their teenager to play. Drawing from their experience with film and television – they trust that the classification board consider the game to be appropriate.

However, this is often not the case. Many games are developed especially for adults. Whether this can be recognised in the content being overly sophisticated or displaying adult themes explicitly – there is no way for parents to discern from the cover of a video game whether or not it will be suitable for their adolescent child.

Also, Atkinson has claimed that an R18+ rating for games would be impossible to enforce, but has not at all addressed why he believes this is so. An R18+ rating would be enforced in the same way it is enforced for other restricted content, alcohol and cigarettes. Shops would be required to request proof of age and without such supply – would be required by law to deny service. Shops that fail to do so will be prosecuted.

As for ‘State-enforced safeguards’ to prevent children from playing restricted content – one would imagine a task like this would fall to parents. Parents are encouraged to supervise their childrens’ activities, to not do so is negligent. It is not at all necessary for governments to legislate parenting any more than they currently do. Restricted content like pornographic films/magazines or violent films already exist in Australian households with children – to suggest a restricted game would be treated any differently is ignorant.

What the present law does is keep the most extreme material off the shelves. It is true that this restricts adult liberty to a small degree, however, I am prepared to accept this infringement in the circumstances.

Whether or not Mr Atkinson is personally interested in the protection of adult liberty for Australians is irrelevant to the argument of whether adult liberty should be protected. There is no clear reason – other than an attempt to protect Mr Atkinson’s sensibilities – to restrict the liberty of adults (or as he has referred to as ‘vulnerable’ adults).

The present law does keep the most extreme material off the shelves – it also works to keep extreme material on the shelves; while making it available to children. An R18+ rating would protect children from material they should not have access to. Currently, this content still exists. It may be edited to remove blood spatter and corpses (and in the process, reality) – though this leaves a game which is not only still too violent, but completely thematically inappropriate and without demonstrated consequences for behaviour within the game.

I am concerned about the level of violence in society and the widespread acceptance of simulated violence as a form of entertainment. I am particularly concerned about the impact of this extreme content on children and vulnerable adults.

I believe the repeated act of killing a computer-generated person or creature desensitises them to violence. To my mind, a child being able to watch depraved sex and extreme violence in a movie is damaging to the child, but the child’s participating (sic) in depraved sex and extreme violence in a computer game is worse.

Mr Atkinson may be concerned by the level of violence in society – it is concerning to most reasonable people in the Australian community. However, according to psychological and scientific studies – the belief that playing violent video games is linked to violent or aggressive behaviour is unfounded. Several major studies published by groups such as The Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health, The Journal of Adolescent Health, and The British Medical Journal have shown no conclusive link between video game usage and violent activity. Also, meta-analysis bypsychologist Jonathan Freedman, who reviewed over 200 published studies and found that the “vast and overwhelming majority” did not find a causal link between video game violence and violent/aggressive behaviour.

Further to this, the desensitisation of children to sex and violence is deeply concerning and an R18+ rating would further contribute to protecting them from such. As previously stated – while children and adolescents are exposed to game content that is vastly inappropriate for their maturity levels, they will continue to be desensitised to adult themes. If an R18+ rating is introduced, this would no longer be an issue.

Game-houses are always free to adapt games that would otherwise be R.C. [Refused Classification] and modify the game content to be in line with the M.A.15+ classification… I do not accept that this destroys the artistic integrity of the game – excusing gore and depraved sex as art is an immature argument.

This is once again a statement of Atkinson’s personal opinion. If you would ask the developers or fans of the game – I’m sure they would see it very differently. Video games are as much an art form and contain as much of a creative narrative as any other film, painting or novel. To force the artistic developers to chop and change the work to scrape in under the MA15+ rating not only damages the artistic integrity of the game, but also the creative integrity of the narrative.

Regardless, forcing this process also often produces a game which is structurally uncomfortable and still inappropriate for a young audience. Gore and sex are very often an essential part of art in all mediums – to suggest that they aren’t and shouldn’t be is an ignorant and unsubstantiated argument.

Contrarily, it has been suggested that games that would otherwise be classified R18+ are instead slipping through as M.A.15+ and becoming accessible to children. This argument does not support an R18+ classification for games. There may be games that some people consider too violent for the M.A.15+ classification but the solution is not to create a classification that would permit even more violent games in Australia.

M.A.15+ games are restricted to children over 15 and if younger children access these games it further justifies complete protection from R18+ games. It is up to parents and responsible adults to ensure a game is appropriate for a minor whatever age he or she is. It is up to members of the Classification Board to apply the Guidelines correctly and not to try to defeat the Guidelines because they disagree with the outcome of the actions of elected officials in a democratic rule-of-law society.

Mr Atkinson is further proving the need for an R18+ rating in this statement: The rating would not suddenly allow a flow of ‘even more violent games in Australia’ – it would allow the classification board to label games correctly as they currently cannot.

It would enable the classification board to remove games that are too mature for an MA15+ rating from an arena accessible to minors. There are very few games that are Refused Classification in Australia that do not perform minor edits to the games in order to make them tick the boxes for an M15+ rating.

R18+ rated games would be further protected from children than MA15+ games because there is a nationally standardised method of proving your age to purchase restricted content. Currently, 15 year olds do not have the same system as adults – there is no official age identification system for under 18 year olds. Therefore it is possible for children under the age of 15 to purchase a product that they should not be able to buy.

This is all the more a reason to implement an R18+ rating – it would ensure that games which are thematically too mature for minors would be unavailable to them. Some parents do not play games. They probably don’t know the background of the games, the content or the game-play style. This is why the classification board exists – to provide an easy to comprehend warning for unknowing parents. The lack of an R18+ rating only works to limit the ability of the classification board to give an accurate portrayal of the themes found in games.

In his interview with Radio National, Mr Atkinson explicitly stated that he does not trust the classification board. He has not explained why they are not to be trusted or what they have done to lose his collegiate respect. His last sentence does not make sense to communicate anything but a random jab at the classification board. If Mr Atkinson feels they cannot perform their duties effectively, he should perhaps have that argument in a different arena.

Well there you have it Reddit. Hopefully this starts a great discussion about our submission. I look forward to your comments!

However, some issues just make me uncontrollably angry.

At the moment, this is SA Attorney General Michael Atkinson’s seemingly personal agenda regarding a lack of an R18+ rating for video games.

Non-gamers often see this as a non-issue. A deflecting topic that need not be considered when there is so much else going on. Hopefully, I can give you another point of view.

If you read even a small part of the six page letter Mr Atkinson sent to Aaron John Percival of  activist group ‘Grow Up Australia’, you may start to recognise a concerning seed of ignorance and personal agenda on display.

It’s exceedingly pathetic that in his letter, Mr Atkinson references a Bond University study that recently sampled a random selection of 4852 Australians. He mentions that 62% of Australians don’t consider classification influences their decision when buying games (In my opinion this only suggests that they are adults that don’t feel they need to be dictated to – or parents who believe that without an R18+ rating, there’s no need to when buying for their 15+ year old children) However, when questioned about the other results of the survey that don’t treat his opinion so well, he brushes aside any statistics reported that don’t support his view as an ‘industry body’ was involved in the development of the study. Regardless, it found that a staggering 91% were in support of an R18+ rating for video games.

Now before you assume that this is an issue only for a small percent of the population, consider this:

88% of Australian households have a device for gaming and 68% play games. 68%! This is an issue that effects well over half of the Australian population. The average age of these gamers is 30 years old.

Despite this overwhelmingly clear and unbiased evidence – Australia is still well away from an R18+ rating for video games. Why? Because Michael Atkinson doesn’t want one.

I’ve never encountered anything so frustratingly obvious. It’s no secret that our elected officials are often putting personal bias ahead of the views of their constituents, however – at least for the most part these personal agendas are masked by data supporting their cause. Michael Atkinson has presented no such thing – he’s just flaunting his smug bias it like a badge of honour!

Does anyone else find this dangerous? There is one person in charge. One ignorant, stubborn and condescending person in charge. Lucky this issue isn’t about the death penalty, conscription or internet censorship (oh.. wait).

He’s not going to change his mind. Despite pages and pages of hard evidence disproving his understanding of the situation – he’s made it very clear he will not change his stance on this issue.

This is exceedingly unrepresentative and it has to stop.

One of his arguments is that if other states let uncensored R18+ games in – they won’t be able to stop it coming into SA…. So? That’s the point. What makes South Australians so prudish that they don’t want an adult game to play? More importantly, what makes South Australian 15 year olds so mature that they should be let loose to hack up a bunch of zombies in Left 4 Dead 2?

Another is that he somehow imagines that children can (possibly by magic) get through a gaming console’s lock out system:

If adults think they can devise a lock-out system to defeat children, tell ‘em they’re dreaming.

Maybe if you give them the password. I love it how all the technological neanderthals we seem to have elected are now going to compare every lock out system in existence to the government’s excuse for a net nanny system. Just because the system was so much of a steaming pile of horseshit that my cat could get past it by sleeping on my keyboard – doesn’t mean every developer creating a lock out system will make the same stupid mistakes.

One of the things that creeps me out the most about his responses is that he seems to keep vomiting out this term ‘depraved sex’. Which part of sex is depraved, Mr Atkinson? The bit where the penis goes into the vagina? Or maybe the part where the natural milk giving mammary is exposed? I’ve got to assume that Mr Atkinson thinks that all sex is depraved because he hasn’t mentioned anything to the contrary. He can only conjure up one set of examples of games where what most people would describe as ‘depraved sex’ is occurring. These are games that have only been released in Japan and banned elsewhere. They would not be allowed release in Australia under existing guidelines – and nor should they.

I’m absolutely disgusted that he’s gotten this far unchecked. I’m also not counting on this national discussion paper of theirs to actually do any good at all. As you can hear in his interview on Radio Nationals ‘National Interest’ late last week – Atkinson doesn’t want it released as it seems anything that takes a balanced perspective that supports neither side of the argument is plain ‘advocacy’ in his eyes – yes he’s very happy to ‘discuss’ the issue – but only on his terms… which is a impossibly childish perspective to take.

All I can suggest is that you write to your state attorney generals, demanding some transparency and respect for the Australian public. Even if you’re not a gamer – this is your chance to stop this disgraceful parenting of the Australian adult population. First it’ll be the games. Then films, television, books and of course the internet. I know it seems this is a whole lot over nothing, but what I see is the start of something dangerously controlling and an arbitrary dismissal of our personal liberty.

If you’re still not convinced, consider this well known poem and think of how it may apply to you:

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

It’s important to every person in varying degrees. The people who go through life telling everyone that they don’t mind being consistently undersexed and alone are lying. It’s responsible for the highest earning industries, oldest known employment and the continuation of the human race.

People who can’t get it feel like there’s something wrong with them and people, who get too much of it… well, sometimes have something wrong with them.

And it often happens on a first date.

In my experience, this is unfortunately the end of any potential for a continuing relationship.

This is how it goes, using internet dating (another damaging factor) as the example:

You’ve been chatting online to someone you met on an internet dating website and you decide it’s time to meet them. You turn up. The guy’s not Brad Pitt, but he’s not that bad. You have an enjoyable evening albeit with the odd awkward silence, a fair few drinks and things are going well. The alcohol and the conversation are moving your first impression – maybe this is going to work out.

He seems interested in you and the things you’re saying. He’s actively engaged and you’re getting that little flutter of hope in your stomach that he’s as impressed as you are.

Apparently he is, because you come to the mutual agreement to polish off a bottle of wine at your place to escape the every increasing din of the crowded bar.

You arrive, get comfy, and after a few more glasses – he clumsily launches himself at you. You’re surprised, though willing – the deed is done.

It wasn’t, horrible – but it wasn’t all that great either. As you both gradually sobered up throughout the process things seemed to get a little more disjointed and distracted until it reaches its end and you both lay with eyes closed pretending to be asleep, holding clammy hands.

You awake early and try to find something in close proximity to cover your nakedness so you can make a run for the morning wee. When you return, he’s up, dressed, ready and avoiding eye contact as he stumbles out some excuse for not staying. You offer him shower, food and drink and he declines – busy day ahead. You farewell with an awkward almost-on-the-mouth-but-not-quite kiss and he’s gone.

Since you hosted the event, you give him the courtesy of making the next move but you never hear from him again.

Familiar? Maybe not. However, I constantly get my freak self in this situation. I’ll tell you why.

As previously stated, sex is a wonderful thing – but there’s a very good reason you should only do it with people you know and know well.

Everyone has a different insecurity with their body. Some have massive insecurities. Luckily, most of these can be obscured with clothes and makeup so you don’t have to go through day to day life naked and in tears.

When you have sex you completely lay it all out. Not only are you unclothed with all your naked insecurities shining bright – you’re showing them to a complete stranger. Ok, not complete stranger – you had like a whole hour long conversation!!!

(That doesn’t count)

On top of all this you’re in one of the most vulnerable states of your entire adult existence. People tend to ‘lose themselves’ in the moment during sex and who knows what that looks like? Well this guy does now. If someone took a photo of your face at the moment of orgasm and showed it to you, I doubt you’d be entirely impressed – let’s just say it’s not the new facebook profile picture.

Plus, usually – the more you get to know someone, the more physically attractive they’ll become. You’ve known this person for a few hours, I doubt you’ve really reached your full potential on the attractiveness scale – and you’ve just shown him your least attractive state.

Don’t only take into account that his perception of you has just gone to the shitter on some kind of emotional rollercoaster to hell – but he just did the same to you. If the relationship survives this, you’ve got it made.

I imagine with extremely toned attractive people, this problem wouldn’t pop up quite so often. But what am I saying? They wouldn’t be online dating! They’d be frolicking along the golden paths of hot sex as most single hot people seem to do.

Well I’m glad that’s settled then.

I’m usually a person that despises discrimination. I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to fight against it for many groups that are in our society: non-white cultures, homosexuals, women, the disabled, the economically disadvantaged and so on.

Though occasionally, a group emerges that I just can’t tolerate. Mostly because they purposefully put themselves in a position that makes other lives harder unnecessarily. Those that dedicate their life to being ‘emo’ are a good example of this.

Last night an episode of ‘Talkin’ ‘Bout My Generation’ aired on channel 10. I don’t usually watch it, but it was on – so I did. Everyone was dressed up as an icon of their generation. Comedian Josh Thomas decided to dress as My Chemical Romance lead singer Gerard Way – he tweeted why: “I dressed like Gerard Way because I was asked to dress as a defining person of our generation. I wanted an Emo, because Emo’s are funny”

This lead to an attack of over 30 tweets from identifying ‘emo’ @PandorasHitList proving not only why Josh Thomas may have found emo’s funny, but why I vehemently dislike their ‘movement’.

Look, if you like wearing black clothes and eyeliner – I don’t give a shit. And I also want to say to anyone who is having suicidal thoughts or thinks they may be depressed and also identifies as an emo – go and talk to someone about it and get some help. Not from a livejournal community, not from your emo friends – from a professional person or someone you trust. From what I’ve read in these online communities, they’re nothing but a bunch of enablers and cannot help you. This is directed to the people who know they’re just out for some attention:

-You trivialise self harm

-You trivialise suicide

-You trivialise mental illness

The problem with these 3 things is that you add shame to an already difficult subject. It’s ‘the boy who cried wolf’ except you get away having received some attention, but thousands of people actually experiencing these things get eaten by the wolf. Because of your attention whoring, mentally ill and suicidal people sometimes feel that they cannot ask for real help to save their lives because they’ll be shooed away for just trying to get attention like you are. I know and have lived with people who actually are mentally ill. Depression isn’t a case of the puberty blues; depression affects you in ways you can never understand – like not being able to get out of bed.

-You clog up the doctor’s waiting room trying to get your Zoloft prescription

-You drain the resources of school counsellors, charities and your parents for problems that don’t actually exist

-You can’t take a joke… Every time someone even alludes to an emo joke – your world caves in

-You accuse others of being ‘conformist’ while you try to dress, behave, speak, emote and EXIST like every other emo

-You whinge about the world not including or accommodating for you when you go to every effort to isolate yourself from it

-Your music sucks.

-You can’t seem to get over the parts of life that everyone has to go through and deal with (and you feel the need to tell everyone about it)

-You resist getting a job or being educated, even when so many people are trying to provide you with the opportunity to do so

-For the few of you that do get a job, you whine about or refuse to adhere to the dress code (even though everyone else has to)

-Your poetry really sucks

-In social company, you think your emotional outbursts are more important than anyone else’s lack of willingness to witness them

I prefer Goths – bring back the Goths.

Look I’m sure this is incredibly offensive to anyone who thinks they’re an emo – I’m sorry you feel that way, but these are things that make my life harder. I don’t try to get in your way, why do you want to bring me down? I didn’t do anything to you. Shit happens – please, get the fuck over it. Everyone else has, what makes you so special? Your haircut? No.

Most are from the 1950s or so and are spoken word, adding the ability to choke mid-lyric. Some are about things you’d expect to happen in life like cheating and betrayal – but a lot of these just make you think “How the fuck were these ever released?”

I thought I’d share some of the highlights with you because… wow… these certainly shouldn’t be buried in history. I really don’t know what was going on around the time they were written, but seriously, you think this generation is desensitised? Think again.

5. A ‘Dear John’ Letter – Jean Shepard & Ferlin Husky (1953)

You just gotta say – what a bitch… Also what I find interesting about this song is the almost jovial singing from Jean Shepherd as she tells her warring boyfriend that she’s now fucking his brother. Christmas dinner would get awkward.

4. Teddy Bear – Red Sovine (1976)

This guy is the king of choking up, it’s hilarious. This story just get worse and worse, mum’s lonely, dad’s dead – crippled boy’s… well… crippled. Well lucky they’re now the hated neighbours on the street with hundreds of trucks blocking traffic. Good work kid.

3. Old Gilbert – Glenn Jones (1997)

It seems it’s the norm in country music for it to get worse and worse, as you can tell from this Australian 90′s track. I don’t know why he just didn’t get another dog – look, I realise you got to know each other pretty well – but just go get another one. Or a girlfriend… Seriously man.

2. Knoxville Girl – The Louvin Brothers (1956)

Aww isn’t that sweet, young love, late night walks together- wait, excuse me, why the fuck are you murdering her? I love how this is question is never addressed throughout the song. It just winds up with him whining about a headache and having to stay in jail ’cause his friends haven’t seen Prison Break. Well at least there’s a lesson there.

1. Drunken Driver – Ferlin Husky (1956)

The seeming ‘fiddle of death’ that starts off this song, kind of gives the impression that the song will never turn out well. Yes that’s right, it’s good ol’Ferlin again taking tragedy to the next level once again. Not only have the kids been abandoned by their father, their mother’s dead and they’re homeless. Don’t worry, dad comes back – to run them down with his car. I think my favourite line has to be “the little boy, in a puddle of blood, in the ditch line, there did lay”. Seriously, WTF?

So there you have it. Could it get any worse? Probably. I’ll keep an ear out and post any more I find.

Have you seen this video?:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/b5e66d4b58/play-helen-and-hall-oates-off-keyboard-cat

The reasons why I’ve had to link it rather than embed it are:

a. Because wordpress doesn’t seem to want you to embed anything but YouTube videos

b. Warner music are dicks and have decided to disable the audio on the very popular YouTube version

Yet another example of media industries forgetting that they serve consumers – not the other way round. What a shame that production companies won’t step up to the plate like radio and print media is and adapt to the rapidly changing media consumption environment.

If only film and television production companies would grow a brain and insert advertising into freely available high quality digital torrents – they wouldn’t have to lose bucket loads of money on piracy. Why the hell would general society start paying for something they’ve always gotten on free to air? Especially when there’s an equally simple method of getting the program for free via illegal torrents.

If production companies flood torrent sites with full length HD episodes and films with short intermittent commercial breaks – everyone’s happy. Instead these companies wag their fingers and treat their consumers like naughty children that have been stealing cookies from the cookie jar, when they should have been buying them from iTunes for $4.99. Well guys, don’t bite the hand that feeds you – because other than a slow internet connection – guilt is the one thing stopping everyone from downloading everything illegally. If they don’t like you – they won’t feel guilty anymore.

For music the process is a bit different, but comes down the same method – don’t kill your own publicity! Let YouTube show a video featuring or remixing your song! It’s streaming media! Yes, it can be downloaded but not with enough sound quality to be useful to anyone. How many people of this generation listened to or liked Hall & Oates before this video? Not many. Suddenly it’s back in the mainstream; it’s cool, current and interesting.

Then Warner kicks up a fuss and acts like a spoilt kid in the schoolyard – ruining the joke.

Well it was pretty hilarious while it lasted. Viva La Revolución!